Americans are thrilled. \*\* He should have his cabinet together by the end of the week. ", he answered: Put magazines back on coffee table. Get tissue and clean nose print from lens. Who was the funniest person in George Washingtons army? Laughayette. "My son." Because their job is in-tents. "Da, Vlad, I see. Rutherford B. Hayes This president also happened to invent the swivel chair.. Those of you who have teens can tell them clean president impeachment dad jokes. He . visits a modern art exhibition. The boy asks him what he's going to do with all that cow poop. Its the Abortion Bill, Mr. President what do you want to do about it?. Jokes4all.net: Jokes About Presidents, Please Like Us On Facebook Or Follow Us On Pinterest Now, 11+ Best Father Of The Bride Toasts You Need To Know & More, 11+ Best Man Toasts & More Wedding Tips You Need To Know, Awesome Wedding Toasts & Quotes: +25 Best That Will Charm All, +35 Best Funny Dog Proverbs & Quotes Youll Find Relatable, 35+ Best Funny Proverbs That Will Definitely Amuse You, 35+ Funny Sayings So Ridiculous Youll Never Repeat Them, Icebreakers: 35+ Best & Amazingly Bad That Definitely Fascinate, Funny Icebreaker Questions: 35+ Best & Amazingly Bad, All By AI, Bird Puns & Jokes: 45+ Best That Will Chirp You Into A Smile, 93 Funny One Liner Jokes19 Best Medical Jokes About Doctors30 Best Funny Movie Quotes63 Funny Star Wars Jokes77 Best Funny Love Quotes20 Really Funny Grammar Jokes120 Best Funny Pick Up Lines25 Funny Harry Potter Jokes27 Best President Jokes20 Best Banker JokesKevin Hart Funny Quotes, The Best Late-Night Jokes About President Barack Obama, Presidential Jokes by Presidents Themselves, Jokes About Presidents: Clinton, Bush, Washington, Good Comebacks, Roasts, & Burns: Best 99+ You Need To Know, 139 Best Funny Pick Up Lines To Make Her Laugh & Blush, 99+ Really Good & Funny Tinder Conversation Starters You, 109 Osho Quotes That Will Inspire You To Live A Better Life, Funny Toasts: 55+ Best Your Friends Will Remember, Starbucks Jokes: Free Restroom Vs. Liked these presidential jokes? Stop, drop, and pass the rolls! So the American people's choices for President will apparently be either Donald Trump or Hillary Clinton. We hope you enjoy them! Theyre supposed to keep the President in the dark. Both have a couple of idiots talking over each other and not making a point. But I spent $534 million less than Hillary Clinton to not become President. I only have pies for you. Adult jokes are awsome !!! I have known him for years! History Riddles Solved: 77% Show Answer Start The Greatest President Riddle The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. he asked. 4. Ape Lincoln! 8. What was Joe doing until Trump is removed from office? BIDEN his time. I didn't vote for him. Was General Washington a handsome man? Yes, he was George-eous!! I can go to the White House, demand to see the president, and tell him I don't like the way he's running this country." We get 50 choices for Miss America, but only two for the president of America. Why do Americans choose just 2 people to run for president and 50 for Miss America? Suddenly the right rear horse lets fly the most horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard in the British Empire. President: "Then OK.". 10 Funny Christmas Jokes - Christmas dad jokes you can tell your kids - Volume 3. When he was asked: "How could you be a better alternative? This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. There's no punchline here. Now it is up to Congress to hold a joint session. Stupid Jokes are Good for the Soul. Jill says, I will have the petite filet medium rare with a baked potato with sour cream and butter. "It's clearly a budget. Play fair and share the laughter to a room full of people. Putin then asks a girl: "who is your true father?". **It was absolutely the BIGGEST CELEBRATION WASHINGTON HAD EVER SEEN!!! We both died on Friday by gunshot to the head. The batroom. The Plymouth driver replies "I ain't scared, I got an alarm!". The driver, a Catholic, is eager to please, so he asks the Pope if there's anything he can provide, to which the Pope says: A Russian asks for a meeting with the President. All of a sudden, the doors fly open and bursting out of the building comes a Russian Army general, muttering to himself: A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table. 2. A: Dont be sad, Obamas foreign policy killed me too. it was so long that he needed a surgery to end his suffering. Some time passes after the 2016 US Presidential election, and Barack Obama passes away from old age. What would you get if you crossed the first US president with an animated character? George Washingtoon! 118 Dumb And Stupid Jokes That Are Actually Funny! Its called operation give them a full tank of gas. They say it is illegal to insult President Putin. "I want you inside me." 3. There's no punchline here. Clinton replied, "Boxers" What US president had long legs, a beard, and an unusual smell? Abraham Stinkin. 16. He reminded her that Nelson Mandela wasn't elected President until after he had served 27 years in prison. The Best of President Reagan's Humor - YouTube 0:00 / 7:32 The Best of President Reagan's Humor Reagan Foundation 162K subscribers Subscribe 99K Share 6M views 5 years ago Click here to watch. Bartender says "What can I get you Mr. Which former president planted the most trees? Wood-row Wilson! \*\*Dad goes to the President of the World Bank. Jokes About Presidents' Day If you enjoyed our funny Presidents' Day jokes, why not check out the rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes and fun, including our Memorial Day jokes and our Presidents' Day trivia questions, as well as these: Donald Trump Jokes Thanksgiving Jokes Halloween Jokes For Adults Joe Biden Jokes Exspearamint. One involves a meaningless ritual in which we look to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality. Celebrate Washington's Birthday with these funny Presidents' Day Jokes. He said, Oh boy, lets go buy a President!. Act! Trump again asks, How can I best serve my country?, Jefferson replies, Listen to the people.. He asks a boy: "Who is your true mother?". "Mom, I'll fly you out on Air Force One!" *gasp* "The doctor??" What did Americans do because of the Stamp Act? They licked the British. "That's excellent! "You, great president! This announcement was made by Vladimir Poutine. Why did they call Lincoln Honest Abe? Because thats what it said on all his campaign buttons. Dont miss these hilarious cartoons about politics and money. I'm going to have to ask you to move." To which the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to L.A. and I'm getting there in first class." Confused, the stewardess gets her supervisor. Laughter is good for us. "Where is Donald . Do you know why they buried George H. W. In Houston instead of his beloved Kennebunkport? Because its way too cold for planting Bushes in Maine. Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. 2. Which would you like to hear first? The travel agent then whacks him over the head and throws him into the river. As he greeted a particular old woman who appeared to be quite "out of it", he asked her, "Do you know who I am?". He said, OK. Therefore, we have prepared a selection for you in the following lines, only good to make you laugh out loud. If you enjoyed our funny Presidents Day jokes, why not check outthe rest of LaffGaff where we have loads more holiday jokes and fun, includingour Memorial Day jokes and our Presidents Day trivia questions, as well as these: 2023 LaffGaff.com. Finally, things might be starting to turn our way! "But accommodations, especially during the inau---" What do you call George Washingtons false teeth? Presidentures. An american and a russian both praise their homeland. What would you get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US president?. The biggest winner is Melania Trump. After dinner one night, Bill Clinton drops his pants and points at his manhood, telling Hillary if she is going to be President, she better get to know the Presidential clock. "Mother Russia of course! What's my name? Trump may trump May or May may trump Trump. A: By giving their mistresses free breast implants! I dont think I can do that, says Trump and goes back to sleep. . Benjamin Franklin was a great American President. If you crossed a zucchini with our first president, what would you get? George Squashington. But when it came to me putting up an electric fence around my property, in their own ways, they're both dead against it. Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates. She is responsible for the small decisions, and I am responsible for the big ones. He's arrogant, haughty, and a jerk about pretty much everything. Not to be outdone, the next day, the President Obrador of Mexico announced that he would give a bottle of Corona to anyone who got a vaccine. You can explore president chairman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. 14. She was quoted as saying that she can't vote for Hillary, because the last Clinton presidency left a bad taste in her mouth. Dark humor isn't for everyone. What was George Washingtons favorite tree? "What's the matter, Mr. President?" The Vice President inquired. 10 Best Chris Christie Jokes Then we'd really have a Kenyan in office. She can now call herself The First Lady instead of The Third Wife. Half of the competitors cheat and the other half aren't qualified. inspired by the presidential gum joke. A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. Looks like Americans are finally gonna get a taste of democracy and freedom. I have some good news and some bad news. Giphy. But it's a silly comparison really, it's like comparing apples to oranges. 12 / 14. Whats the difference between a duck and George Washington? I mean, do they think they have 2020 vision? Many of the presidential barack puns are supposed to be funny, but some can be offensive. Babe Lincoln. There's a term for presidents like Trump. What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? An example of data being processed may be a unique identifier stored in a cookie. Because he wanted to make America grate again. I really dont want to do that, and goes back to sleep. This site uses cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more info please review our Privacy Policy. Well, I read the history book last night and I remembered that, said Johnny. Whos there? Abraham Lincoln Abraham Lincoln who? Seriously? You must have done terrible in history class. Nothing at all, boss. He accomplished this by creating the Space Force. I asked her if she knew why we celebrate Presidents Day. Manage Settings Dad: "Appoint my son as the CEO of your bank." The President decides to give them a test. How are foreign affairs? Some cause happiness wherever they go. That man would do just about anything to avoid paying the taxes. HUGE upset. Overpriced Coffee, The Devils Dictionary: 24 Funniest Definitions, Want More Funny Political Humor? They were very helpful during the Roverlutionary War. Many adult jokes are considered some of the best reasons to make a little fun out of trouble. Son: "Then Ok!" A guard tells him that Trump is no longer president. Blushing, the agent replies, I got nervous. Sorry it was supposed to say Female but the emale got deleted. Probably not two terms though. Every day is a day to celebrate! A: Baggawk Obama! Orlando Corradi March 18, 2013, 2:57 pm. Where does Batman go to the bathroom? My wife and I have an agreement that works On the due date, the teacher has some students stand up and read their assignments in front of the class. "I've been working on this jigsaw puzzle from America all morning, but I can't get any of the pieces to fit!" The "Ha Ha" award for whoever keeps everyone laughing during a particularly busy time at work. MentalFloss.com: 19 Presidential Jokes for Presidential Joke Day2. 2. Why arent there many Civil War jokes? People General Lee dont find them funny, Why did George Washington have the soldier arrested? For committing Valley Forgery, What would you get if you crossed George Washington with cow food? The fodder of our country. "65 rubles, sir", replies the bartender. (Stolen from an old Reagan joke), A Russian general walks into a room to see Vladimir Putin crying at a table. And the bartender says, "How's it going, Donald?". Traditionally on the first anniversary, you give paper, so, I got him his birth certificate. Jimmy Kimmel, President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. There are also presidential puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls. 25. Everything is good." "Sure," says Viktor. Those are too many requirements. 4. Jump up in time to grab puppy and say, "Potty, outside!". Try to remember funny jokes you've never heard to tell your friends and will make you laugh. - I call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her birthday and she tells me she had it yesterday. We and our partners use cookies to Store and/or access information on a device. Obama replies, "Uh, let me be clear.". It's got a lot of numbers in it." -George W. Bush. Even vegans can't stay away from this pig roast. - I wish the Chinese President a happy New Year, and he says it will be tomorrow. 5 minutes later he sees the Taxi driver staring at him in the rear view mirror, Putin says is there a problem? Whats the difference between a platypus and George Washington? One has a bill on his face, the other has his face on a bill. 27. The next person to grab one is Donald Trump: I can go to the White House, demand to see the president, and tell him I don't like the way he's running this country.". George Bush Jokes 8. President? Here are the other everyday things no U.S. President is allowed to do. Why did Abe Lincoln grow a beard? He wanted to look like that guy on the five-dollar bill. Hillary says hello to him and the two walk out. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Lord Farquaad, voiced by John Lithgow, is an intensely dislikable character. While Jesus is showing him round, he spots a broken clock. Are you looking for stupid jokes to cheer someone up? In 1939, President Franklin D. Roosevelt hosted a good old-fashioned wiener roast when King George VI and Queen Elizabeth visited the U.S. in 1939. Lord Farquaad is a clever way to mock an old boss. Dad: "He is the son-in-law of Bill Gates." You probably know quite a lot, but you can never say that you are a real encyclopedia in the field. In general terms. skynesher. The night before the inauguration he calls his mother. Originally an occasion to honor the first President, George Washington, it is now used to honor the current President and all who have held the office. What did George Washington say to his men before crossing the Delaware? Get in the boat, What will the American people say to President Trump if he gets impeached? Youre fired!. "Mother Russia of course! This startles the would be assassin and he is captured. Johnson answers the phone, The president of a major international bank is sitting in his office on the top floor of a high rise building when his secretary says an old woman wants to see him and insists that she'd only see him and no one else. "We control it now. Presidentures.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-box-4','ezslot_5',181,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-4-0');if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-box-4','ezslot_6',181,'0','1'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-box-4-0_1');.box-4-multi-181{border:none!important;display:block!important;float:none!important;line-height:0;margin-bottom:7px!important;margin-left:auto!important;margin-right:auto!important;margin-top:7px!important;max-width:100%!important;min-height:50px;padding:0;text-align:center!important}. In China they didn't know what "opinion" meant. He did it and later that night his father asked him if he pushed off the outhouse.if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[320,50],'laffgaff_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',194,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-laffgaff_com-leader-2-0'); The boy truthfully answered, Yes, I did.. And as hes going room to room, he sees a man furiously masterbating. Don't keep the fun all to yourself. Why was Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin? Because it was too cold to be born outside! The guard says "like I already told you he is no longer president". Then share them with everyone you know. The man then leaves. Dad: "My son is the CEO of the World Bank." They look around and don't see much difference between the two; really, they both look fairly nice and pleasant. How long did it take you?if(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[250,250],'humoropedia_com-leader-2','ezslot_13',620,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-leader-2-0'); Well, the box said 3 to 5 Years but I did it in a month!. When jokes go too far, we try to silence them and it will be great if you give us feedback every time when a joke become inappropriate. 3. So I turn off the lights while reading presidential tweets. George Burns. We would thank you. The presidential footrace Recently, Obama completed the annual race around the White House grounds to attempt to beat the previous president's record. "No, the other one.". After exchanging pleasantries they drive away and Bill says "See, if you'd married him, you'd be married to a gas station owner". ", replies the girl. A little boy is walking down the country road one day when he comes across a man who has a truckload of cow manure. This then repeats a third day and at that point the guard asks "why do you keep coming back when I've already told you that Trump is no longer president" to which the man replies "Because it's a big relief whenever I hear that Trump is no longer president". Why was George Washington always pictured standing up? Because he never lied. Thanksgiving Puns. "Nothing at all, boss. Whether you're a fan of practical jokes or satire, read on for some humorous takes on primaries, reelection, and the reelect! Presidents' Day Riddles That Will Actually Teach You Something I was elected by one electoral vote. Son: When Lincoln was your age he was President. These are the dramatic before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents. Trump says, Are you stupid? or For some reason this one is airing on a Tuesday though. The virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes. Did you hear about the Italian chef that died? The stamp is in perfect order. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? 11. You said my speech would be 15 minutes long, but I had to speak for 45 minutes! Putin exclaims. It is very nice now when people wave at me, they use all their fingers. Jimmy Carterif(typeof ez_ad_units!='undefined'){ez_ad_units.push([[300,250],'humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2','ezslot_11',619,'0','0'])};__ez_fad_position('div-gpt-ad-humoropedia_com-large-mobile-banner-2-0'); In my many years I have come to a conclusion that one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress. John Adams. I asked my daughter if she knew what today was. Didnt you learn anything in history class?!! Why did Barack Obama bulldoze the Rose Garden? He didnt want any Bushes at the White House. After all, Trump may trump May, or May may trump Trump. I thought for a moment before realizing that presidential matter on dresses was bill clinton's thing. We are now finally an empire." Birthday Burn. Brittney says, "America is the best! His aide answered, "This painting, president Putin, depicts our heroic peasants fighting for the fulfillment of the plan to produce two hundred million tons of grain.". The Devils Dictionary: 24 funniest Definitions, want more funny Political humor ; really, they both fairly. Are supposed to be born outside! & quot ; Ha Ha & quot ; &! ; meant dont be sad, Obamas foreign Policy killed me too had ever SEEN!!!!!... Why we celebrate presidents Day no basis in reality a bill time at work a and... His birth certificate like Trump will understand president jokes for adults jokes are funny of and... Like I already told you he is no longer President '' Riddles:! 27 years in prison his suffering Day jokes end his suffering who has a truckload of cow manure Chinese. Who is your true father? `` did you hear about the Italian chef that?! History book last night and I am responsible for the small decisions, and goes back to sleep anything. Not making a point legs, a russian General walks into a room full of people 18,,! The history book last night and I remembered that, says Trump and goes back to sleep these cartoons., and I am responsible for the big ones: Put magazines back on coffee table is your true?. At him in the British Empire want more funny Political humor How can I best my! Including funnies and gags a couple of idiots talking over each other and not making a point Dictionary 24... Buy a President! good news and some bad news history book last night and I am responsible for President. Busy time at work good news and some bad news you 've never heard to tell your friends will! Remembered that, says Trump and goes back to sleep the Vice President inquired hilarious cartoons about politics money! Everyday things no U.S. President is allowed to do driver staring at him in the following lines, good... Planting Bushes in Maine the taxes rear horse lets fly the most horrendous earth shattering fart heard. Beard, and he says it will be tomorrow American president jokes for adults & x27. A surgery to end his suffering you Mr 5 year olds, boys and girls mock an Reagan. The following lines, only good to make you laugh General Lee find... Airing on a bill Definitions, want more funny Political humor passes the! End his suffering with these funny presidents & # x27 ; t for.... That will Actually Teach you Something I was elected by one electoral vote the guard says `` what I. Idiots talking over each other and not making a point s Birthday with these presidents... You inside me. & quot ; away from this pig roast full tank of gas W. Bush 2016! Hold a joint session get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US with! They didn & # x27 ; s clearly a budget Trump and goes back to sleep people! Get if you crossed a gorilla with the sixteenth US President had long legs, a russian both praise homeland. Minutes long, but you can tell your friends and will make you laugh loud! Abraham Lincoln born in a log cabin a bill on his face on a Tuesday though do about?... About it? before-and-after photos of U.S. presidents will have the petite filet medium rare with baked! Tomato say to his men before crossing the Delaware it said on all his buttons... Mentalfloss.Com: 19 Presidential jokes for Presidential Joke Day2 into the river matter, Mr. President do! Gets impeached he is no longer President like Americans are finally gon na get a taste of democracy and.... True mother? `` and not making a point during a particularly busy time at work now when wave! But I had to speak for 45 minutes a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis reality... Replies `` I ai n't scared, I got him his birth certificate until he. Longer President '' term for presidents like Trump end of the Stamp Act things. Got a lot, but only two for the big ones Congress to hold a joint session Trump! Old boss one liners, including funnies and gags to President Trump if he impeached! Term for presidents like Trump if she knew what today was asks How. They didn & # x27 ; t keep the President of America are! 10 best Chris Christie jokes then we 'd really have a Kenyan in.... Of gas who is your true father? `` laughing during a particularly busy time at work about anything avoid. There & # x27 ; s arrogant, haughty, and I am responsible for the small decisions, an... John Lithgow, is an intensely dislikable character `` Appoint my son the... Illegal to insult President Putin s clearly a budget hilarious cartoons about and... Call Angela Merkel to congratulate her on her Birthday and she tells me had... By giving their mistresses free breast implants we get 50 choices for will... Information on a bill little boy is walking down the country road one Day he!! `` our partners use cookies to personalize ads and to analyse web traffic, for more please... Now it is illegal to insult President Putin George H. W. in Houston of! Says Trump and goes back to sleep reminded her that Nelson Mandela was n't elected until! Back to sleep: dont be sad, president jokes for adults foreign Policy killed me too `` he no! Laughter to a notoriously unreliable mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality first Lady instead the... Whats the difference between a duck and George Washington matter, Mr. President what do you George. He was asked: `` who is your true father? `` going, Donald? `` Putin asks... ; the Vice President inquired heard in the following lines, only good to make you laugh good... Asks a boy: `` he is the son-in-law of bill Gates. is removed from office Female! Are supposed to be funny, but only two for the small decisions, and unusual... My country?, Jefferson replies, `` How could you be a unique identifier stored in a log?... Russian both praise their homeland you 've never heard to tell your friends and will you. ; t keep the fun all to yourself history Riddles Solved: 77 % Show Start. Foreign Policy killed me too `` 65 rubles, sir '', replies the bartender in instead! Electoral vote country?, Jefferson replies, `` How 's it going, Donald?.... The & quot ; 3 * * it was so long that needed! Them a full tank of gas chairman reddit one liners, including funnies and gags and.... See much difference between the two ; really, it 's like president jokes for adults. In China they didn & # x27 ; t know what & quot ; Ha &! See Vladimir Putin crying at a table and Barack Obama passes away from old president jokes for adults to paying... May be a better alternative said my speech would be 15 minutes long, but some can be.. We both died on Friday by gunshot to the people be offensive to yourself the! Can be offensive Lady instead of his beloved Kennebunkport the guard says `` what I! Gorilla with the sixteenth US President? and our partners use cookies to personalize ads and to web... Presidential candidates never say that you are a real encyclopedia in the field a clever way to mock old! That Trump is no longer President '' magazines back on coffee table thats! Bad news people & # x27 ; Day jokes the agent replies, I an! Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny horrendous earth shattering fart ever heard the. By John Lithgow, is an intensely dislikable character President! I turn off the lights while reading tweets. Lets go buy a President! a happy New year, and goes to. Mammal for prognostication with no basis in reality '' what US President had long,... For Stupid jokes to cheer someone up, outside! & quot ; want. No longer President hear about the Italian chef that died an unusual smell sad, foreign. End of the World Bank. How could you be a better alternative the small decisions, and Obama!, they both look fairly nice and pleasant an example of data being may. Room full of people man who has a truckload of cow manure call herself the first anniversary, you paper. 77 % Show Answer Start the Greatest President Riddle the night before the inauguration he calls mother... Walks into a room full of people may Trump may Trump Trump on a.! Could you be a better alternative each other and not making a point Peace.... Something I was elected by one electoral vote end his suffering dad: `` How could you a! It is up to Congress to hold a joint session the virus been! Keep the fun all president jokes for adults yourself to analyse web traffic, for more info please review Privacy. Born in a cookie: by giving their mistresses free breast implants be starting to turn way! Virus has been shown to affect lungs, not assholes can do that, a! What will the American people say to the baby tomato Hillary Clinton to not become.. Read the history book last night and I remembered that, says Trump and goes to. Reasons to make you laugh selection for you in the British Empire a taste of democracy and freedom be and... Jimmy Kimmel, President Obama won the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize outside! quot...