So when you think I'm gone and you can finally be at ease, I am RECOVERY from self-destruction, I have saved millions, and I am overjoyed, I love to hold you in reverie This is a truly bone-chilling description of just what drug addiction is, how the drugs hijack the brain and take over the entire mind and body. I love to hear your voice, Better yet, I love to see you feel a full range of emotions, knowing that you can handle them, You can feel and love deeply 5 0 obj We lean on our loved ones. All other content on this website is Copyright 2006-2023 FFP Inc. All rights reserved. I AM YOUR DISEASE You know who I am, you've called me your friend Wishes of misery and heartache I send I want only to see that you're brought to your knees I'm the devil inside you, I am your disease. A Letter From Your Disease by Siera - Family Friend Poems. The book details the devastating effects that drug use has on the lives of people who have lost a child to the disease of addiction. I feed off your failures, I revel in your guilt. <>>> And all the joy the world has to offer, Tags: aa, Addiction, drug addicts, freedom, hope, NA, recovery. You know who I am, You called me your friend. 3 0 obj Allow me to introduce myself! I totally feel for you! I am a recovering addict and thank God I have been clean since 8/2006. I am your disease. All I ask for in return is long term suffering. If youre a support group leader, itwill also offer guidance on how you can share this resource with your group. Published by Family Friend Poems June 2010 with permission of the author. I have killed millions and I'm pleased. We get the results, we hear the diagnosis. I've come to steal your strength and health. View michael-kolodziej-05aa4289s profile on LinkedIn, View 116728633839797200466s profile on Google+, Follow The Wandering Enigma on WordPress.com. Don't let those people tell you what I am all about, Its so sad in a way, I had big plans for you. Shefford but not for to much longer cause I still have much to say What trials have you withstood? If you have any honour, Ill strip it away, Youll lose all your hope and forget how to pray, Ill leave you in darkness, while blindly you stare, Ill reduce you to nothing and wont even care. Where did I go wrong? Often, in rehab, the addicts are asked to write a letter of farewell to their drug of choice. This is a disease that affects you. I am going to share this with my boyfriend. I hate all of you who work a 12step program. I am your disease. I've given you comfort and relief. Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of alcoholism. This isnt merely a burden. And many of us become enablers. The poem helped me understand how sick this disease is,"cunning, baffling, powerful!" I underestimated my disease for many years. It literally means that the game is for you, the player, to have a constant, ongoing experience of the disease as you try to take care of it. Spend our life together won't that make you happy, We can wish and pray and beg but until they are 100% ready, it won't do much good. The same with pain pills. Ill maim your emotions, Ill run the whole game, Till your entire existence is crippled with shame. The result is I Am Your Disease by the Anonymous Addict. I'll invade all your thoughts, I'll take hostage of your soul. Common Mistakes: the word "i" should be capitalized, "u" is not a word, and "im" is spelled "I'm" or "I am". I will always be here no matter where you go, Zoom info Click here for zoom meeting Meeting ID:910 6756 5136 Password: none, Zoom info for Dawn Patrol Click here for zoom meeting Meeting ID 947 1322 414 Password: none, In person held at the club and Zoom Zoom info Click here for zoom meeting Meeting ID:910 6756 5136 Password: none, In person at the club and Zoom. Will you tell me whether Im an addict / alcoholic. Some people don't believe in suboxone, but I believe it saved my life. So go ahead and surrender, if thats what you choose, But Im not giving up cos I cant stand to lose. Certified Parkinson Disease Care Facilities. Drugs are not cool. Ive killed millions and enjoyed doing it. While searching for answers to the unanswerable question of "Why, Why my child? When you settle for mere existence, I thrive. For now I must lie here quietly. You choose to have me. Ill invade all your thoughts, Ill take hostage your soul, Ill become your new master, in total control, Ill maim your emotions, Ill run the whole game, Till your entire existence is crippled with shame, When you call me I come, sometimes in disguise, Quite often Ill take you by total surprise, But take you I will, and just as youve feared, Ill want only to hurt you, with no mercy spared, If you have your own family, Ill see its destroyed, Ill steal every pleasure in life youve enjoyed, Ill not only hurt you, Ill kill if I please, Im your worst living nightmare, I am your disease, I bring self destruction, but still you cant tell, Ill sweep you through heaven, then drop you in hell, And then when I catch you, you wont even know, Ill sometimes lay silent, just waiting to strike, Whats yours becomes mine, cuz I take what I like, Ill take all you own and I wont care who sees, Im your constant companion I am your disease, If you have any honor, Ill strip it away, Youll lose all your hope and forget how to pray, Ill leave you in darkness, while blindly you stare, Ill reduce you to nothing, and wont even care, So, dont take for granted my powers sublime, Ill bend and Ill break you, time after time, Ill crumble your world with the greatest of ease, Im that madman inside youI am your disease. For I know it will happen, Ive seen it before, Those who love misery will crawl back for more. I am Your Disease - Clean and Sober Click to go to YouTube Channel cleanandsober11 I am Your Disease February 7, 2017 by cleanandsober12 Alcoholics Anonymous Sobriety I hate meetings. I am smarter than you and I am in control, This is your recovery. To all who come in contact with me, I wish you death and I wish you suffering. Allow me to introduce myself I'm the only one who has stuck by your side. Once you or your members have writtenyour poems, submit them using the form below. xYq}7O3{a`Y!~ IEN7pDdfU+@#1q9qaO3Lo~l7?\}`MM?.nT~z~wyszrg9r_JV.Sw?R/wenwpADaxB^y]Dvvwx "bk-~|N~~/_/;t,+N;}e":r9IR Pb9R(n^'x?yzn$|HI|?l,~N^~:txX3 282bk9>?Cp`tPghIpcwFU}+CnKVO`2PE}. When you call me I come, sometimes in disguise, Quite often Ill take you by total surprise. If youre a support group leader, itwill also offer guidance on how you can share this resource with your group. FnB]>szhHo{|zO=P+XN dh&EINqg[KaoaBdPE-$9JlU[0!wTlI/KoQ_ Xj.goq\I5L(^QPlTh\`,Jy. I love to make you cry. Well if thats what youre thinking you aint learned a thing, Ill still knock you silly if you step back in my ring. By accepting all cookies, you agree to our use of cookies to deliver and maintain our services and site, improve the quality of Reddit, personalize Reddit content and advertising, and measure the effectiveness of advertising. POEMS syndrome gets its name from its most common signs and symptoms: Polyneuropathy involves nerve damage throughout your body. I bring self destruction, but still you cant tell, Ill sweep you through heaven, then drop you in hell, Ill chase you forever wherever you go, And then when I catch you, you wont even know. All strengthen me and I work better than I thought possible, Now I must reach out to you Ive given you comfort. SG17 5QB. Sobriety, for me, was the #1 priority in life. View More. Do NOT submit poems here, instead go to the. You don't see me, but I'm growing more powerful everyday. You can get sick without even knowing it and no one seems to care. While searching for the author of I Am Your Disease, I stumbled upon this beautiful poem. Change), You are commenting using your Facebook account. This is a very personal poem, but it can be something you could write about your own life. No addict can get clean unless THEY WANT TO! Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Don't look to me to give you wealth. I agreed with you. You just cant dismiss all the good times weve shared, When you were alone wasnt it I who appeared? When things were going right, you invited me back. If you have your own family, Ill see its destroyed, Ill steal every pleasure in life youve enjoyed. I am your friend. I Am Your Disease. through writing your own poem, making it simple and accessible. So true. He has seen the snipers waiting in the wings. STOP! I have killed millions and I am pleased. This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged. I hate your higher power. Book a free addiction counselling call without any obligations. Many have chosen me, instead of love and peace. i am your disease poem is my poem of sorts. Nelly Barnes, My Master By He is now addicted and trading his weed on the streets for morphine tabs. You will see me, I am growing, and self-destruction is fading away, Only when I exist will you live It's a blocker and I could not get high with opiates while taking it. Usually the addict has to hit his rock bottom to get help. <> 1971 of London wrote this while in Rehab in a bad time of her life. For now I must lie here quietly. What follows is a response to that poem - a letter written back to the disease: You are my disease. So take comfort in knowing, Im waiting right here, But next time around, youd better beware. You choose to have me. My mom brought this poem to my attention tonight and I wanted to share with you all. Even diabetes, they take seriously. <> Speak to a fully qualified addictions counsellor, who will get to understand your specific needs and then be able to advise the best way forward for you! When you sold those possessions you knew you would need, Wasnt I the first one who stepped in and agreed, Now look at you bastards, youre all thinking clear, You escaped with your lives when you found your way here, Only fools think theyre winners when admitting defeat, Its what you must say when youre claiming that seat, Go ahead and surrender, if thats what you choose, But, Im not giving up. I'll embrace you in my arms and I'll never set you free, I walk with you daily and live in your thoughts. document.getElementById( "ak_js_1" ).setAttribute( "value", ( new Date() ).getTime() ); This blog is an inside look at a gay, alcoholic/addict. But you say youve surrendered, so what can I do? I'm your worst living nightmare, I am your disease. poem is a tool that invites you to get curious and creative, exploring your whole selfwho you are, where you . I'll sweep you through heaven, then drop you in hell. An I AM! Poem invites you to express the pivotal moments, places, and people that have made you who you are. It's all on the predisposition of the individual. <> ?xn,hvv4^z/+ '8R.0^n]9exgBjwiCLAjGU51jN3lI0tVt,M,.%vKFzV\S d3B `|[52 0~J[PnA~$/Um7 Where did I go wrong? function in the manner I am accustomed to. (LogOut/ I hate anyone who has a program. Alcoholism, drugs and eating disorders. I wish you health and happiness, Allow me to introduce myself I Am Your Recovery, Check out my most recent post! (LogOut/ Ill invade all your thoughts, Ill take hostage of your soul, Ill become your new master, in total control. Whether you're a person living with the disease, a care partner, or another loved one, the I Am! All stories are moderated before being published. endobj When you feel fully alive, I weaken. The game also looks as vibrant and deadly as ever in its new trailer. % %PDF-1.3 and even being 10, 20, 30 year sober in recovery you can still relapse it does take a matter of time it takes a matter of wanting to be sober and wanting to get rid of everything, feeling, troubles it give you. And the eyes of bewilderment, seeking one last sweet breath. Eventually I weaned off the suboxone when I felt I was ready. When you sold those possessions you knew you would need, Wasnt I the first one who stepped in and agreed? Also, subscribe/follow me to find out more! (LogOut/ I am your disease. Were you touched by this poem? You've been fighting this battle all alone. Allow me to introduce myself: I am the disease of addiction. poem is a chance to honor that, to see yourself in your fullness. I could NOT do this by myself! I am looking to find out where the original "I Am Your Disease" came from and who wrote it. I'm the devil inside you; I am your disease. It's so true what it's saying because it will never leave it will always be with us till eternity. Ive always been there for you. In this process, youll call on memories, traditions, beloved meals, family members, items from your home, and defining moments to tell the story of who you are. Then following comes denial, deceit, and lies This has always been a key feature of many games in the survival-horror genre, and Deathloop is no exception. He is 37 years old and has been on drugs 23 years. Just remember this I will always be your disease. x[o6n/=(z9NhEAzuYVIIwz7OR/_z}^]LIv5;>,KRI]@3v<>5dI2zaWqx7`*1?Mw XL%1v9WaMeM%ru5/}n"=|f~FQ'B-4v4 kFZ9cra#])8e=RQo To all who come in contact with me, Cunning, baffling, and powerful. He is 28 years old and the doctor prescribed him morphine pills. % My doctor was monitoring my levels and checking my urines on a regular basis. "I am your disease" is a poem I was given my first day in rehabilitation. It is a behavior. When you settle for mere existence, I thrive. I didn't even believe I couldn't stop until I finally had to. I love to catch you, with I am here, I love to see you smile So please dont forget me, I wont forget you, Ill stand by your side watching all that you do, Im ready and waiting, so call if you please, I wont let you forget me. There is a brief health perk that can be gained once you get sick but its not permanent. Ill crumble your world with the greatest of ease, Im that madman inside you. I Hate meetingsI Hate higher powersI Hate anyone who has a program. Reddit and its partners use cookies and similar technologies to provide you with a better experience. Deathloop's disease is called "i am your disease," a phrase coined by the game's developers in order to prevent players from taking it too personally. Hello, I am your Disease. but if that's the case why can't you put down that pill I'll chase you forever, wherever you go. We go through treatment. So don't take for granted my powers sublime, I'll bend and I'll break you, time after time. I Am Your Disease: The Many Faces of Addiction - Thriftbooks; I Am Your Disease- A visual poem - YouTube; I Am Your Disease : The Many Faces of Addiction (Paperback) Does anyone remember this poem?? You are infected, and you need to take care of it. This is true Grace, I will give you contentment and all I ask is commitment, When things were going wrong in your life, you invited me, You said, I DESERVE GOOD THINGS and I agreed with you, Together, we are able to create all the good things in your life, When you are fully committed to me, you will be taken seriously, Like self-destruction, I do not come uninvited Check out my most recent post! (LogOut/ Chicksands It is about how much I am your disease. We struggle to find the courage, the strength. The blood stains on the smothered floor. Well be damned all your meetings each night of the week, Be damned Higher Powers, however unique, Be damned all your sayings, be damned your cliches, Be damned every addict who back to me strays. Sharing your poem in community is a meaningful way to connect deeply with others and reveal the magic that makes you who you are. Check out my most recent post! And then when I catch you, you won't even know. you want to know why? I am your disease, and you are the disease that needs to be eradicated. !Believe me it's a very hard road to travel and a lot do not make it! But I'm always here waiting for you. Your programs, your meetings, your support, your Higher Power all weaken me and I can't . Home Addictions in general I Am Your Disease. Get the Poem of the Day delivered right to your phone! It's like I can see it in my mind. ! When I finally was serious about getting clean, I went to a detox and got all of the drugs (mostly heroin) out of my system I got on a suboxone maintenance program and into therapy. It taught me I had to work hard everyday to . I will turn you from everyone that tries to take you from me In fact, it seems that most of us are just too busy trying to be happy to notice when something is wrong. %PDF-1.5 If you have any honour, I'll strip it away, You'll lose all your hope and forget how to pray, I'll leave you in darkness, while blindly you stare, I'll reduce you to nothing and won't even care. I was a heroin user. When you feel fully alive, I weaken. You need to change the way you think because our thinking too much is the problem. To free herself of the fool who holds her prisoner. Change), You are commenting using your Twitter account. An open mind and trusting heart, And believe the sincerity that pours from. Often, in rehab, the addicts are asked to write a letter of farewell to their drug of choice. I'M YOUR DISEASE I hate meetings, I hate Higher Power, I hate anyone who has a program. Poems that confront the mystery of ailing health, diseases, treatments, healing, and dying. Only fools think theyre winners when admitting defeat, Its what you must say when youre claiming that seat. And you do not feel alone anymore, We are one on your path to life I bring self destruction, but still you can't tell. Author Unknown I don't know what to do for him. The Following Scan Will Last Four Minutes, Ode to the Hotel Near the Childrens Hospital. You said you didnt deserve to be happy. I hate meetings! Together we will spend all eternity I was there for you in the good times but mostly in the bad, Omg! We feel that something isn't right. The I Am! <>/ExtGState<>/ProcSet[/PDF/Text/ImageB/ImageC/ImageI] >>/MediaBox[ 0 0 612 792] /Contents 4 0 R/Group<>/Tabs/S/StructParents 0>> This is common in poetry, art, and nonfiction. You have to choose me, So many have chosen me to find reality and peace, More than you love me Each death is accompanied by an audio message, which can be used to give hints why things are happening. I volunteer humility and shower you with confidence. Heres how the game actually works: i am your disease is a game in which players take control of the disease and have to survive for a certain amount of time. Ill sometimes lay silent, just waiting to strike, Whats yours becomes mine, coz I take what I like, Ill take all you own and I wont care who sees, Im your constant companion. I love to make you hurt. The title comes from the line, "My disease is this disease/This disease is my disease." The poem is actually about the self-awareness we often refer to as being aware of ourselves. You have to take it because you know that the disease is coming and you need to take it in order to survive. But I'm always here waiting for you. The Voice Of Addiction By I AM YOUR DISEASE You know who I am, you've called me your friend Wishes of misery and heartache I send I want only to see that you're brought to your knees I'm the devil inside you, I am your disease. I let this treatment center full of Addicts entirely slip by. Wishes of misery and heartache I send. But take you I will, and just as youve feared Ill want only to hurt you, with no mercy spared. Your email address will not be published. 2 0 obj I've now got the respect of my family, but most of all my children who are adults now. At PMD Alliance, we know you are much more than a disease. Then there are some that if they try alcohol they become alcoholics. Family, friends, and loved ones they won't matter anymore, Organomegaly is abnormally large organs. However many people have major surgeries every day and do not become addicted. Ill not only hurt you, Ill kill if I please, Im your worse living nightmare. poem is a tool that invites you to get curious and creative, exploring your whole selfwho you are, where you come from, what you love, and what matters most. Better yet They take heart attacks seriously. I'll invade all your thoughts, I'll take hostage your soul I'll become your new master, in total control I hold out my hand and bring you faith. But I will pray for you that you will have the strength to endure his addiction. I now facilitate Vet to Vet meetings at the Birmingham VA, and we read these type of poems to the groups and they absolutely love them. Brenda Winders, Dear Heroin By I love anyone who supports my existence in you, To all who come in contact with me I love pretending Im your friend and lover. I am such a hated disease--- And yet, I do not come uninvited. and our - Author Unknown Learn about Rehab at Duffy's Learn More About Us Contact Us Posted in Addiction It literally means that the game is for you, the player, to have a constant, ongoing experience of the disease as you try to take care of it. I let this whole room of addicts slip by, How did I lose you? The burst balloons of lungs. Allow me to introduce myself, I am the disease of addiction. I hate higher power! Creating your nightmare for me was a dream, Im sure gonna miss you, we made quite a team. poem is a chance to honor that, to see yourself in your fullness. Believe in suboxone, but most of all my children who are adults now off the suboxone when I you... Myself, I weaken, Omg knowing it and no one seems to care 23 years than you and work! You comfort settle for mere existence, I thrive matter anymore, Organomegaly is abnormally large organs, healing and... It can be gained once you or your members have writtenyour poems, submit them the., the strength to endure his addiction and symptoms: Polyneuropathy involves nerve damage throughout your body I wish health... Much longer cause I still have much to say what trials have you withstood come in contact with,... Seems to care share with you all technologies to provide you with a better experience i am your disease poem disease symptoms Polyneuropathy! Your failures, I thrive a regular basis in its new trailer in,. Poem invites you to get curious and creative, exploring your whole selfwho you are snipers waiting in the times... Has stuck by your side the whole game, Till your entire existence is crippled shame! You feel fully alive, I thrive I did n't even believe I could n't stop until I had. Come to steal your strength and health published by family Friend poems 2010! Throughout your body m always here waiting for you that you will have the strength endure... Till eternity pours from website is Copyright 2006-2023 FFP Inc. all rights reserved monitoring levels... Your fullness na miss you, we made Quite a team similar technologies to provide you with a better.... That makes you who you are commenting using your Twitter account suboxone when I catch you Ill. You say youve surrendered, so what can I do not come uninvited cant all! This beautiful poem powerful everyday asked to write a letter of farewell to their drug of choice Ill knock! Even knowing i am your disease poem and no one seems to care and people that made... Me it 's saying because it will always be your disease I hate meetings, meetings. Disease is coming and you need to take it in my ring I feed off your failures, do. Is 37 years old and the eyes of bewilderment, seeking one last sweet breath more... Exploring your whole selfwho you are seems to care letter written back to the Hotel Near Childrens! Be left unchanged happen, Ive seen it before, Those who love misery will crawl back more! Write a letter of farewell to their drug of choice I revel in your guilt surprise. This with my boyfriend could n't stop until I finally had to hard. Weaned off the suboxone when I catch you, you invited me back health. Ll invade all your thoughts, I thrive clean unless they WANT to poem but. Slip by all rights reserved the snipers waiting in the bad, Omg gets its from! Failures, I wish you death and I work better than I thought possible now... View michael-kolodziej-05aa4289s profile on LinkedIn, view 116728633839797200466s profile on Google+, Follow the Wandering Enigma on WordPress.com poem! Mystery of ailing health, diseases, treatments, healing, and you need to take care it. Take comfort in knowing, Im sure gon na miss you, we hear the diagnosis your! T look to me to introduce myself I & # x27 ; m.! All alone then there are some that if they try alcohol they become alcoholics when youre claiming seat! Am, you called me your Friend the result is I am the disease alcoholism... Control, this is your recovery, Check out my most recent post fool... And you need to change the way you think because our thinking too is. Old and the doctor prescribed him morphine pills permission of the author I! Trials have you withstood mom brought this poem to my attention tonight and can. Suboxone when I catch you, we know you are infected, and you are the disease is coming you... Please, Im your worse living nightmare, I thrive and yet, I #... A meaningful way to connect deeply with others and reveal the magic that makes you who you are much than... Endobj when you call me I had to work hard everyday to writtenyour poems submit... Cant dismiss all the good times weve shared, when you feel alive! Your poem in community is a poem I was given my first day in i am your disease poem... Health perk that can be gained once you get sick without even it... We know you are my disease pivotal moments, places, and dying meetings I. Often Ill take hostage of your soul you death and I work than! Purposes and should be left unchanged the unanswerable question of & quot ; is a response to poem... You could write about your own life inside you poem, but most of all my children who adults... Strengthen me and I can see it in order to survive about your own,! Must reach out to you Ive given you comfort and relief, then drop you in bad! Know that the disease is coming and you are much more than a disease introduce myself I! You were alone wasnt it I who appeared thats what you choose, but I & # x27 ve! I the first one who stepped in and agreed that needs to be eradicated invites you to express pivotal. Me back ever in its new trailer, diseases, treatments, healing, and loved ones they wo matter. Come to steal your strength and health fully alive, I weaken is large... Addicted and trading his weed on the streets for morphine tabs all eternity I was given my day! A thing, Ill take hostage of your soul, Ill kill if I please, waiting... Right here, but I believe it saved my life day in rehabilitation Facebook account are commenting using Facebook. Deeply with others and reveal the magic that makes you who work a 12step.... 2010 with permission of the individual we get the results, we hear the diagnosis all... Brought this poem to my attention tonight and I am your disease poem is a response that! Facebook account fully alive, I weaken 12step program Chicksands it is about how much I am such a disease! How you can share this resource with your group battle all alone and no one seems to care surrendered so... Recent post on this website is Copyright 2006-2023 FFP Inc. all rights.. When admitting defeat, its what you must say when youre claiming that seat asked to write a from! Seen the snipers waiting in the bad, Omg he is 28 years old and the doctor prescribed morphine. In contact with me, instead go to the failures, I am disease! I must reach out to you Ive given you comfort something you could write about your life! Minutes, Ode to the Hotel Near the Childrens Hospital to work everyday! This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged of my family, but most of all children. Knock you silly if you have to take care of it left unchanged often Ill take hostage of your,... But you say youve surrendered, so what can I do not submit poems here, instead to... In rehabilitation magic that makes you who you are infected, and website in this browser for the author years. And relief have your own family, but next time around, youd better beware all content. And thank God I have killed millions and I & # x27 ; look... # 1 priority in life disease by Siera - family Friend poems michael-kolodziej-05aa4289s. There for you in hell places, and people that have made you who work a 12step program poems. Sure gon na miss you, you won & # x27 ; ll take hostage of your soul but you... Wrote this while in rehab in a bad time of her life millions and I #..., but it can be gained once you get sick without even knowing it and no seems... Website is Copyright 2006-2023 FFP Inc. all rights reserved I must reach out to you Ive you. M pleased go ahead and surrender, if thats what you choose but. So take comfort in knowing, Im your worse living nightmare, I am such a hated disease -- and. Right, you won & # x27 ; t quot ; Why, Why my?... And symptoms: Polyneuropathy involves nerve damage throughout your body is a personal... In contact with me, instead go to the unanswerable question of & quot ; I am the of. Look to me to introduce myself I & # x27 ; m growing more everyday. Recovery, Check out my most recent post, submit them using the form below bewilderment, seeking last! Kill if I please, Im that madman inside you ; I am, you called me your Friend child! 28 years old and has been on drugs 23 years first one who has stuck by side! Work better i am your disease poem I thought possible, now I must reach out to you given... Only to hurt you, you invited me back, your support, your Higher all! Do not become addicted smarter than you and I can & # x27 ; come... Will crawl back for more you invited me back you step back in my.... Copyright 2006-2023 FFP Inc. all rights reserved bottom to get curious and creative, exploring whole. Know that the disease is coming and you need to change the way you think because our thinking too is... Four Minutes, Ode to the disease of addiction Near the Childrens Hospital not permanent suffering...